Photographer, Educator, Student, Mother & Wife Obsessed with sharing moments through pictures & words
“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” – Ansel Adams I’ve been content with silence the last few days. Perhaps because it’s been a necessary part of coping through the challenges of the last few weeks. We’re oh so close to having Chance […]
You can tell he is growing and looking happy to be with his mama! You look happy to finally be holding you bebe! 
Sending you lots of good wishes for a smooth and happy transition to being home together as a family.
So, is he home? I am guessing yes! Chance looks really good and so do you in this pic. I was getting a little worried because of our last phone call. Being home has probably cheered you up and having Chance home should send you soaring. I talked to my mom today and she got home alright. I don’t know if she is aware of all that went on. I didn’t say anything because I was not sure if Jason had mentioned anything. I am sure she will be eagar to see you guess soon. She may be too tired tonight.
My work said that I couldnt have the time off if I wanted to have time off when Noah graduates. I guess I dont have enough time to do both and I had already requested that time off. Of course, they haven’t approved that either. Funny how that works. I guess I had to use 64 hours of earned time first before the FMLA would kick in so it has left me with limited vacation. Aparently we are not able to take a day off without pay or we are written up. I am so done with this bull and yet I can’t do anything but keep looking for another job.
Just so you know, there is no where else I’d rather be than there with you and your family. It was so nice seeing you holding Chance with a smile on your face. Love you guys, Terri
“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.” ~ Unknown Today Chance is 2 weeks old. It was also his due date. He wasn’t suppose to be here until today, but it was inevitable that he had to arrive earlier and now I can’t help […]
by Amanda Kern
5 comments
Amanda, can’t find words. Sending love, strength, healing, light. Please know you HAVE beautifully captured Chance’s newborn moments, just a bit differently than with some of the other babies you’ve photographed. Be well.
Julia
You amaze me Amanda, your so much stronger then you give yourself credit for. Sending Prayers your way!
Amanda,
Thank you for sharing your heart. I am so glad to hear that the doctor’s visit last night was helpful. PPD is very hard and very real, I know from experience. One of the many things that helped me was taking a good Vitamin B Complex. My midwife had recommended this. It helps the nervous system. Also Omega 3 from fish oil is very, very helpful. You are in my prayers. If you ever need to bounce ideas off someone who has walked in the PPD valley, please, please email me.
Chance is so, so beautiful. Your pictures melt my heart! I agree with Julia that you have captured those precious newborn moments, amidst such a challenging environment. Now that is the sign of one awesome photographer (and mom!). My daughter, Amanda, is hoping to study photography in college. She is very inspired by your photos.
Blessings,
Melissa
Hi Amanda,
You don’t know me, but I’m a fan of yours on Facebook ( learned of your through a friend). My son was born at 29 weeks, and spent two months in the NICU. I know you are feeling sapped emotionally, and physically. I know that this is torture, and the saddest, most desperate moment of your life. I want you to know that there is indeed beauty in this moment. I look back at those days that I spend nine hours in winnie palmer, sitting with my baby boy…watching his tiny chest move, obsessing over his monitor, pumping milk… This is the hardest moment of both of your lives, and you are going through it together. It is a shared bond that will tie you both together and make you stronger. Everything happens for a reason. God puts us (even innocent babies) through trials to teach us, and to give us sight of what is really important. Chance is beautiful, and it may seem odd to hear, but enjoy this moment for what it is, and see the gift of every milestone. Take care.
As always your writing is from the heart, mesmerizing and open. While it may seem so little to you now, so very many are holding you and Chance, and your entire family tight in prayer. There are answers in prayer, and sometimes the answer is no; you have been blessed with Chance, and I know that is an answer to prayer in itself. Remember we are all here for you, let us know how we can help. Allowing others to help, helps them feel needed!
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” – Lance Armstrong If you haven’t heard, this really sucks. Last night Gian Carlo Brand visited briefly. We chatted […]
by Amanda Kern
3 comments
Sending you all lots of love and hugs x
Amanda, you have a beautiful family. I am glad you have each other. Seems like you are all fighters, and I look forward to meeting you after these trials are over. Sending you and yours lots of prayers.
My favorite picture is the one right above the crying one… with the puckered lips. Love it!
I hope you get to escape from the “joint” soon. I remember those days… no fun.
Were still here, praying for you all.
“Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” ~Lord Byron As many of you have been reading my blog and staying updated through twitter, facebook and flickr then you’re likely aware that I have been readmitted into the hospital. Total bummer, but we suspected it might happen when the medication […]
by Amanda Kern
5 comments
Sending you all the love and strength the world has to offer. Most of us can not even imagine what you are going through, but I know you are a fighter, even though you feel very weak right now, I know you will come out of this stronger than ever. So rest my friend, and soon that fighter will be right back up on her feet. Much love to you and your family.
I will continue to pray and I am thinking of you and your family all day long every day, Evan prays for Chance every night before dinner out loud, it’s beautiful, God is listening.
Oh I should not have read this at work I’m in tears wishing I could be there at this moment to help in someway. I know the feeling of helplessness from when justice was in the NICU and Although our experience doesn’t even touch the surface as how hard your experience is. I have prayed for you guys everyday several times aday that all will be ok. You are blessed beyond measure to have the family you do, and yes I believe God won’t give you more than you will handle but sometimes it feels as if your plate is overflowing with trials and saddness. He sees how strong you are just as we all do you and Jason are nothing short of awe inspiring to me. I love you guys more than any words I have or will be able to express. I admire how you guys have held eachother through it all I admire how strong all three of kids are and it’s because of you two they are that strong! So it’s ok I will keep praying u just rest. Love you
Amanda,
The beautiful thing about God is that He is our Father. Curl up into His arms and rest. He knows your heart, He hears your cries, and He hears the prayers of those who are holding up you and your families’ arms when you are at the point of utter exhaustion. Rest. And know that you are loved.
Blessings,
Melissa
Rest is good…”He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty…He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust.” Psalm 91:1,4.
I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, Amanda, because I don’t. I know it must be excruciatingly difficult, and I imagine you are bone weary from striving to hold onto your faith. Just know this-God knows your heart. He heard your cry the first time it was uttered, and it’s OK to just rest now. I can just see Him, like the beautiful picture from Psalm 91, taking you under this pure white wing, and drawing you close to His heart of love, and saying, “It’s OK, sweetheart, I’ve got everything covered…”
We may never know, here on earth, all the reasons why God allows such painful things to come upon us. God knows, I have asked Him thousands of times why He allowed Mama and Daddy to die so young. I have an answer or two, but even knowing a small portion of God’s plan isn’t enough to take away all the pain and doubts.
Rest, dear Amanda. Cease the striving and just rest… Your spirit will be refreshed. Perhaps to fight another battle, perhaps to celebrate a new victory-who knows? Only God. But I see you when I read Habbakuk 3:17-19:
Although the fig tree shall not blossom,
Neither shall fruit be on the vine;
The labor of the olive shall fail,
And the fields shall yield no meat;
The flock shall be cut off from the fold,
And there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength,
And He will make my feet like hinds’ feet,
And He will make me to walk upon mine high places.
And about the praying…you have the most powerful Intercessor of all, never ceasing to make intercession on your behalf! So rest, rest and know that God is.
He is:
Jehovah El Shaddai-God almighty, God all sufficient
Jehovah Jireh-God our provider
Jehovah Rapha-God who heals
Jehovah Shalom-God our peace
Jehovah Shammah-God is there
Jehovah Abir-God is strong
Jehovah El Roi-God who sees
Jehovah Palet-God our deliverer
Jehovah Yeshua-God our savior
Jehovah Eyaluth-God our strength
Jehovah El Berith-God of the covenant
Jehovah T’Sur-God is our rock of defense and shelter
Just to name a few!
Father God, I ask You to take sweet Amanda under Your wing and give her sweet rest. I ask that you bring her comfort in her spirit, and healing to her body. I ask, Lord, that you give her peace in the middle of this storm, and faith to take that next step. I pray, Lord, that You will do as Your word says and encamp around this family who loves you. I ask that you send holy, ministering angels to each person in this family to bring to them the healing and strength that they need to continue. I pray most of all, Lord, for Your peace to settle upon their hearts-the peace that passes all understanding. I thank you, Lord, for the light that shines from Amanda as she shares her life and her heart with all of us. May her testimony of Your love and grace touch hearts that are filled with fear, and give them hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I love you, Amanda. I may stay in the background, quiet, and unobserved, but I follow your story and pray for you often. Maybe someday we’ll have the opportunity to connect and get to know one another. Until then, please know that I am praying, praying, praying….
Aunt Becky
“That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.” –Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin Since […]
by Amanda Kern
6 comments
Amanda,
Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers today and in the upcoming weeks. Please keep us posted. Even though we have never met, I think all mothers can relate to what you are feeling and going though. I can only imagine. Big virtual love to you and yours,
-K
Amanda,
I have so been there! Hoping he would be the one that didn’t need the shunt. And even though in your heart you know he likely would, and you know it’s better when he’s in the hospital than to come back. It doesn’t really make you feel any better when the shunt day happens.
Hopefully this will mean one more step to coming home.
I know his shunt looks so noticalbe to you. But where is it? Is it behind his ear or above his temple? When my Nick had his – they shaved the whole area. It was all I could see for months!
The pictures of him looking at you with the respirator in his mouth is heartbreaking! I can only imagine how you felt!
I know you have facebook and baby center, but if you ever need anyone else – I’m just an email away.
Dear Amanda and Jason
My prayers are with all of you. Chance looks wonderful. Rest when you can and thank you for sharing. God Bless you all.
We continue to pray for Chance, his sweet mom and dad, and brother and sister.
My brother was born with hydrocephalus and had a shunt in place when he was just hours old. He is now 21 years old and he just finished college. He is an inspiration!
God has big plans for your little fighter. Chance is absolutely beautiful. My husband and I were just admiring his pictures. I love his cheeks!
Blessings,
Melissa
These photos are beyond amazing Amanda. You and your family and Chance are a real inspiration for me. I will continue praying for all of you.
Hi Amanda,
I know that all of us who have had babies born with SB wish SO hard that ours will be one of the 10% that don’t need the shunt. Elizabeth was able to go 1.5 weeks until we got the news. The shunt is a hard thing to stomach….but, on a positive note….those babies born 30-40 years ago didn’t have the opportunity to have a shunt and the first shunts were not programmable….technology has come so far. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You need to be healthy and strong to take care of your handsome little boy…let the hospital take care of him and yourself. It all seems so long and overwhelming now, but it WILL become a memory and a story one day (a well documented one at that!)
You are in my prayers.
Melanie
by Amanda Kern
2 comments